I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
