He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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