She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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