woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
