We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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