Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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