Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Rumble strips road head = magical
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
