His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
