My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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