We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
