i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
