Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
where does the pee come out of this thing
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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