I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
