best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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