i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
