If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
