I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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