how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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