can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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