If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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