She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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