Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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