Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
