brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
