god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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