I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
