Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
