My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
