Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Boobs are out for the taking
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
