I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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