she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
