Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
