I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't think brook has ever known best
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
