Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Houston, we have a squirter
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
