One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
