I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
