the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
