Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
