Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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