i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
well you can't waste a boner
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
