i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
