i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
