he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
