my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
