Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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