Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
