You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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