Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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