We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
