I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
