why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
