I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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