THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
